Hear My Cry
by Hinata Resident
Summary: Summary AU YS Yuki meets a mute musician and begins to fall for him, but Shuichi Shindou has his own secrets to keep. Set in New York and major cast changes. AU
1. Chapter 1

Summary- AU YS Yuki meets a mute musician and begins to fall for him, but Shuichi Shindou has his own secrets to keep. Set in New York and major cast changes. AU

Warnings- Rape, suicide talk, sex, and bad language, major AU

Disclaimer-Not mine at all, but I wish Yuki was mine….

**Bold ** sign language

_Italics_ written

Hear My Cry

Yuki

Yuki stared at his computer screen and lit a cigarette. This wasn't his best work and he knew it. He watched the cursor fly backward erasing all of his rambling. His editor would not be pleased when she took a look at the utter lack of progress he'd been making. Deciding that he needed some air, he threw on a light jacket and walked down the city streets to Central park.

There were a few loving couples strolling around in the late autumn evening, but other than that the place was deserted. The street lights gave the place a glow about it. He'd written quiet a few novels that took place in this kind of setting. Maybe he was out here looking for inspiration, or maybe he was just tired of trying to force things that weren't there. Whatever it was, he felt compelled to walk the paths.

Suddenly, a piece of paper fluttered by him in the wind. A young man with pink hair ran after it, but Yuki picked it up first. He skimmed the messy handwriting and scoffed at the juvenile lines of an unfinished song. "Did you write this?"

The boy's eyes were large, but he said nothing, simply nodded his head.

"This is terrible. You should quit before anyone else hears this shit," Yuki said letting it drop back to the ground.

Yuki's insult seemed to really hurt the kid, and he almost looked like he was going to say something, but he just stood there. Yuki walked off and left the kid to his pathetic love song. He really didn't know why he said what he did.

Shuichi

Shuichi couldn't believe that anyone could be so harsh. He just stared at the blonde haired man in shock. He wasn't sure he would have been able to do more than that, even if he could speak. The man's steps echoed through the empty park as he walked away. Shuichi could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. Maybe Hiro had been wrong when he told him he was going to be a great song writer.

Picking up the tattered, dirty piece of paper, and clutched it to his chest. He began the long cold walk to his dorm room. Hiro was already asleep when he opened the door, and it was probably for the best. He didn't think he could stand another pep talk about his writing.

It wasn't that Shuichi wasn't happy—he really was. Normally, he was bouncing off walls with his quirky, excitably personality. People who didn't know him thought he was weird. His over the top emotions made some a little uneasy, but it was the best way for him to get his point across. On the other hand, his friends knew him well enough to take his antics with a grain of salt. They saw him for who he really was, and they would all agree that he shouldn't worry about rude assholes like the guy in the park.

But why did his words hurt so badly? It wasn't like his opinion mattered for anything. Who was he to judge his song? Shuichi sighed and flopped down on his bed. He began to drift to sleep still pouting.

He was awakened the next morning by sound of his roommate's alarm clock. Sitting up, he picked up a shoe and tossed it at the still sleeping Hiro. "OUCH! What's your problem?"

Shuichi rolled his eyes and pointed to the alarm clock. Hiro hit the thing to shut it up, and rubbed his head. "**Why did you set it so early?" **he demanded in sign.

"Because we have to meet the new singer," the red haired boy reminded him.

It was a touchy subject, and Shuichi couldn't help but wince when he thought of someone else singing "HIS" songs. Hiro and Shuichi had been a two man techno band in high school, with Shuichi as the lead singer. They had only been freshmen, but everyone agreed that they had real talent, especially Shuichi. His voice was amazing. Then something tragic happened. It all started with a sore throat. At first, it didn't even hurt that bad, but then it just wouldn't go away. From there out, everything happened in the blink of an eye. The doctors told him that he had throat cancer, and had to do emergency surgery to save his life. Unfortunately, saving his life meant sacrificing his vocal chords. For months, he would cry silently, wishing he had died.

That was six years ago. At twenty-one, Shuichi had adjusted. He'd learned sign, and gotten used to writing notes when he had to. His bubbly personality had resurfaced. And he hadn't given up on his dream. It began when he started to learn more musical instruments. He started with the guitar, taught by Hiro. It was a way for him to vent all of the frustrations that had built up inside of him. After that, he just kept going. A year ago, he began writing songs again. Hiro had nearly fallen over when Shuichi handed him a new song. It meant that he was finally ready to give up on his broken dreams of singing and take his place at the keyboard. But that didn't make this easy.

When he combined all of his own insecurities with last night's insults, he wasn't at all sure he wanted to go through with this. **"I don't feel so good."**

"You're going if I have to drag you!"

Letting out a heavy sigh, Shuichi got dressed and picked up his pad. It wasn't likely that the singer would know sign.

They were to meet him at a small restaurant in Soho. Finding an outside table, Shuichi sullenly sipped a cup of tea.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews. It really made anxious to get more out for you guys.

Chapter 2

Yuki

He sat at his usual table in the corner of café waiting for his sister to get to the fucking point. Mika was not one of his favorite people to be around. Her lectures made him want to reach across the table and put his hands around her pretty little neck. "Won't you even think about it?" she asked with a sigh.

"I won't answer that question again. You should have learned by now that I don't care anymore." Standing up, he tossed his jacket over the shoulder and put his expensive sunglasses back on.

"Eiri, sooner or later…"

"Then make it later," he said cutting her off. He walked out without saying another thing, or looking back. He thought he heard her racing after him, but he refused to turn around.

Shuichi nearly choked when he saw him from across the café. That was him! Shuichi watched as the blonde man walked away, and absolutely had to follow him. He raced after the blonde's retreating form. After a block of tailing him, it began to rain, but he couldn't stop there. He followed him on into the parking garage.

By the time he had nearly caught up to him, he was already in his car. Shuichi raced down toward the street. The black Corvette began to speed out of the parking garaged and all Shuichi could think to do was stand in front of it. He HAD to let this man know that what he had said was wrong. Stepping out into the street, Shuichi prayed that the man would stop.

Tires squealed, and a spray of water washed over Shuichi. Cars behind them were honking and people were screaming all sorts of foul things. The blonde haired man got out of the car and fixed a scathing glare on Shuichi. "Get in, damn it!"

He wasn't quite sure why, but he obeyed. They rode in silence to an upscale neighborhood on the outer edge of the city. Shuichi followed the man into a very swanky looking condo. This went against everything he'd ever been taught about "talking to strangers," but somehow he just trusted this man.

In the living room, the blonde left him waiting to go get some towels. When he came back, he was barefoot and his button down shirt was hanging open. Shuichi felt heat rise to his face. "Dry off. I don't want puddles all over my floors."

Yuki

He stared at the pink haired boy as he dried himself off. The kid certainly was an idiot. What could have possessed him to stand out in front of a car? He couldn't possibly be that stupid….then again. "I don't know what you think you were doing. If you want to be the wounded artist and kill yourself, don't do it at the expensive of my paint job."

The kid looked angry, and began frantically going through his pockets.

"What the hell are you doing?" Yuki asked harshly. This kid was one of the weirdest people he had ever met. He didn't answer, just seemed to be looking harder. He could see a look of resignation on the boy's face. Whatever he was looking for must have gotten dropped somewhere along the way. "Aren't you even going to answer me?"

The boy pointed to his throat where there were a number of light scars, and shook his head.

"You can't talk, can you?"

The boy shook his head.

Yuki rummaged in his desk drawer for a pen and paper and handed it to him. The boy scribbled furiously, and handed it to Yuki.

_Why were you such an asshole about my song?_

Yuki decided to play dumb with the boy. "I don't even know what you're talking about."

You can't be so cruel and just forget about it! I know that you have to remember. You read my song in the park last night and told me it was awful. I want to know why you would say something like that.

"So you almost got yourself killed because I didn't like your pathetic little love song?" Yuki laughed. "You're even more of a dumb ass than I thought you were."

The boy nearly fell over. His hands were balled into fists with white knuckles. "You lied!" was written across his face as clearly as if he would have said it.

"Of course, I did. You think I could forget shit writing like that even if I tried?"

_Who are you to judge? _

"No one. So just go home and forget it. Stop bothering me over something that really doesn't matter."

Shuichi

The blonde was even colder than he remembered. He couldn't believe that one person could be so cruel. This wasn't solving anything, so he stood up and walked out with so much as writing a word.

Out on the streets, he managed to hail a cab and swore silently because he had left the only paper he had back at the condo. He borrowed the driver's pen and wrote his address down. This was not his day.

It was late afternoon when he made it back to his room. Hiro was sitting on the couch with his guitar and a stranger with light brown hair. "Meet our new singer," Hiro said with a smile. "Ryuichi Sakuma, I would like to introduce Shuichi Shindou."

The brown haired boy launched himself off of the couch and wrapped his arms around Shuichi's neck. "YOU WRITE THE BEST SONGS EVER! I am sooooooo happy to be in band with you! Ah, and so is Kumagoro." The brunette held up a pink bunny.

Shuichi smiled. At least someone seemed to like his work….even if that someone was sitting on the floor having a conversation with a stuffed rabbit. But the face of the blonde still lingered in his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Bear with the OOCness….remember this is AU. Ryu is not going to be exactly like he was in the manga/anime and the anime version Nittle Grasper doesn't exist.

Shuichi

Shuichi was absolutely frantic. He'd looked everywhere….and he meant EVERYWHERE for it, but it was nowhere to be found. Now, he was borderline psychotic. If he'd lost it……No, he told himself, I didn't lose it! It was his good luck charm, and his prized possession.

He had tipped the couch over and was searching underneath, when something soft smacked him upside the head. "Kumagoro attack!" the excitable brunette called as he leaped into the room. Two weeks of working with Ryuichi had made him almost used to this kind of thing. "Watcha doin'?"

Usually, Hiro translated for him, or he wrote notes to Ryuichi. Shuichi glanced around the room helplessly for his pen and pad. Did he have to lose everything today? Finally, he gestured to his eyes, and then pointed around the room.

"Charades!" Ryu bounced up and down twirling the bunny around in the air. Sighing, Shuichi repeated the gesture. "I know! I know! You're looking for something! Treasure?"

Shuichi paused. He guessed it sort of was treasure. It was worth a lot to him, and wasn't that all that mattered? He shrugged, and Ryuichi helped him put the couch back.. "When I lose somethin', I just think real hard about where I was when I had it last," Ryu told him seriously.

Where he had it last? Well, the last time he really remembered having it was……oh, no! He might have dropped it at the blonde's. Gritting his teeth, Shuichi decided that he'd just have to go back and get it…no matter what!

Yuki

What's this? Yuki wondered as he picked up a small silver necklace with a charm on it was in the shape of a microphone. It was a ridiculously childish piece of jewelry. Probably cheap too. It must be that boy's, he decided sitting down at his computer desk.

Yuki was more frustrated than he usually was….and that was saying something. How could one pink haired, mute boy get him so off kilter? It was necessarily that he felt guilty. Guilt didn't cover half of what was going on in his head. He glared at the empty screen, and felt a surge of anger at the boy. It had been a long time since he'd really cared what someone else thought about him, and he didn't want to think about that.

A knock at his door jarred him from his thoughts. He found Mika standing at his door. "I don't have time for you today," he told her harshly.

Mika flipped her long hair back and glared at him. "What could you possibly have to do today that is more important that me?"

"I have a date, if you must know," he lied. He wasn't about to give an inch.

"Really? And who is this lucky woman?" Mika asked sarcastically.

As if by fate, Yuki saw a pink haired form running up his drive with desperation written all over his face. Perfect, he thought. "Ah, there he is!" He grabbed hold of the boy, and pulled him into a wiggling embrace. "Smile," he whispered into the boy's ear.

His sister laughed. "Very, well, Eiri. I'll leave for now."

Once Mika was gone, the boy pulled out his pad and scrawled, _What is wrong with YOU?_

All Yuki could do was laugh. That the kid was still this naïve intrigued him. He pushed him against the wall wanting to give the boy a kiss that he could never forget. Despite his intitial resistance, he soon melted in to Yuki turning the tables. Yuki felt something inside himself stir, and he released him.

The boy had returned his kiss was now several different shades of red. _Pervert!_

Now, Yuki was nearly doubled over with laughter. "You liked it, you little queer. But unlike you, I am straight. What are you doing here?"

_My necklace. I think I lost it here._

Eyeing him for a moment, Yuki pulled it from his pocket. "You mean this tacky thing?"

The boy swiped it from his grasp, and struggled with the clasp failing miserably. "Turn around," Yuki commanded. He clasped it on the boy as quickly as he could, but it wasn't fast enough. He noticed the clean sent of whatever shampoo the kid used, and grunted. "There, now you can leave."

Shaking his head, the boy wrote him another note. _People like my songs, you know. You don't have the right to be so mean to me! It's not like you know what it's like to write anything._

Yuki burst out into a fit of laughter. He led the boy inside and handed him a copy of his last bestseller. "I think I do."

The boy's eyes were wide. _Still you don't know about writing songs. I am a musician._

"Maybe you are, but I haven't heard of you."

_I am Shuichi Shindou of Bad Luck!_

"Well, Shuichi, it's time for you to leave," Yuki told him glaring him. "I have things to do, and I don't intend to put up with you while I am at it."

Shuichi

He couldn't believe that this guy was such an asshole! Didn't he have an ounce of humanity in him? How could he kiss him like that and then be such a dick about it? Everything about Yuki Eiri got some kind of reaction from Shuichi. The worst part was that they were all generally good ones. The blonde was amazing in so many ways. Shuichi just wanted to be near him for some reason that he couldn't explain.

_Will you drive me home? _he asked.

Yuki lit a cigarette. "Why should I?"

_It would be nice of you._

"You're not giving me a reason?"

_Please! _

"Fine, you annoyed me into it, but don't come back after this."

Shuichi coughed, as Yuki blew smoke near him. _You shouldn't smoke. It causes cancer._

"I hadn't heard that," the older man said sarcastically. "Cancer can't be any worse than nicotine withdrawal."

Shuichi looked away, and forced out all the bad memories of chemo and of hospitals and of all the hell that he had gone through. Unconsciously, his hand went to the scars on his throat. He noticed the blonde frowning at him, and snuffing out his cigarette. "Is that what happened?"

_Yes, but I never was a smoker._

"I won't pollute you anymore, but that doesn't mean I am going to quit."

Shuichi smiled, and nodded. He wanted to wrap himself around Yuki and tell him how wonderful he was.

Ryuichi

Ryuichi flopped down on the bed, and began tossing Kumagoro in the air and catching him. He was bored and it generally wasn't a good thing when he was. It meant that nothing was between him and the horrible thoughts. He held the bunny doll so tightly that his knuckles went white, as the memories began.

flashback 10 years ago 

"RYU! Wait! I have to give you something!"

Ryuichi watched as Ami ran after him as fast as her six year-old legs could carry her. She looked both ways and then ran across the street to him with a lopsided package in her arms. He laughed and scooped her up. "You should be careful. Your mother wouldn't like you crossing the street alone."

Ami nodded, and looked up at him with beautiful, light violet eyes that mirrored his own. "But I HAD to give you something!"

"OK, Ami. Then I'm taking you back home," he told her setting her on her feet. She smiled and pushed the poorly wrapped gift into his hands. "Did you wrap this all by yourself?"

"Yep! Open it! Open it!"

Pulling back the paper, he saw two long, pink ears sticking out at him. The bunny was her favorite toy in the whole world. Ami didn't go anywhere without Kumagoro in tow. She even talked to the rabbit like it were a real person. The fact that she would give him to Ryuichi almost made him tear up. She was his niece, but she was more like his daughter. He was going to miss her on tour, but his band, Nittle Grasper, had the chance to open for a really big act.

"Are you sure you want to give him to me?" he asked.

Ami nodded seriously. "If he goes with you, he can give you kisses for me, and you won't be lonely! He's a really good secret keeper too."

"I bet he is." He smiled. People were going to think he was really weird if he toted around a pink bunny all the time. I'll probably just stash him on the tour bus somewhere, he thought. Of course, he'd never tell Ami that.

They walked hand in hand down the street until they got to Ami's house about two blocks away. Out front, a group of girls were playing. One of them waved to Ami and called her over. Ami left go of his hand and ran. Everything after that was a blur.

He vaguely remembered calling out to her as he desperately tried to reach her, but all that really stuck in his mind were screeching tires and Ami's scream.

end flashback 

Ryuichi wiped away the tears that misted his eyes. He hadn't left go of Kumagoro since that day. Part of him wanted to believe that if he held on tight enough to the bunny doll and his innocence, that Ami would still be alive in him. Never mind that it took antidepressants and therapist sessions to keep him from slitting his wrists again, he needed to be happy and childlike for Ami.

Suddenly, another face popped into his head—one that reminded him so much of himself. Shuichi was as close to a pure soul as he knew. He'd joined Bad Luck to keep himself occupied. He stayed because he wanted to be close to a certain pink haired boy. Things were getting complicated.

Poll 

I originally was going to make this Yuki/Shuichi but I am not so sure anymore. I am leaving it up to you……Ryuichi or Yuki? Leave me your vote in a review.


	4. Chapter 4

So far Yuki has it by a landslide. I will keep track of all votes for another two chapters. Thanks for all of the reviews. The more you review the faster I will update.

Chapter 4

Yuki

He put the bottle back down and stared at the half-drained, amber liquid in his glass. Why did it matter to him? Why did he hate the admiration he saw written in Shuichi's eyes? Because he didn't want it…..No, it was that he didn't deserve it. Couldn't the boy see that he could never be the type of man to really love anyone?

but it was handy at the moment. It took the edge off just enough that he could write.

After succeeding in getting two pages written to his standards, he walked into the bedroom and stripped off his clothes. For his whole life, Yuki had been more comfortable naked than clothed. He wasn't much of an exhibitionist--he preferred to be alone and naked. Strolling across the room, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He was the epitome of the long and lithe model build. His blond hair fell carelessly over his light eyes, and his lips held a mocking smile. Women loved him, and so did certain men. Yuki had his choice of one-night-stands. His sex life had never been anything less than spectacular. Why did he want Shuichi so badly?

He showered and threw on a robe. How pathetic was it that he couldn't stop thinking about it? He really needed to get laid.

New York had more than enough clubs to choose from, no matter what you were looking for. Yuki wasn't particularly interested in the over-crowded, obnoxiously loud, drunken masses. He tended to frequent the more upscale jazz clubs where the clientele and the atmosphere were a bit more refined. If there was anything that disgusted him, it was cheap women.

Right away, he spotted a brunette in an expensive black dress. She had a Mediterranean look to her, and smiled slyly at him. Flagging down a waiter, he sent a glass of champagne to her. She gave him a gracious nod. That was his que to make his move. He was no stranger to this sort of thing, and obviously neither was she. A drink later, he found out that her name was Arianna. Two hours later, he was in her bed. The next morning, he was back in his car driving home. By noon, he'd forgotten his name. Someone else was still on his mind.

Shuichi

"**I don't know if I'm ready," **he told Hiro. He bit his lip nervously, and looked down at the half finished song before him.

Hiro rolled his eyes. "We sound great! Ryuichi has really clicked with us, and your songs are awesome. What more do you want to wait for? Shuichi, I know how hard this is for you, but it's time. If you really don't want to do this, tell me now. If you do, it's time to prove it."

You don't know how hard this is, Shuichi thought. He'd never say something like that to Hiro. They'd been through everything together, and Hiro really did understand him as much as anyone could. Everything Hiro had said was true. They were ready for a concert. Shuichi's hands felt shaky. **"Let's do it."**

Hiro smiled. "I am going to make a few calls, and see if I can find us a gig. Ryuichi should be here in an hour or so. I'll be back by then."

Shuichi leaned back against the wall. They didn't even have a show yet, and he was already nervous. This would be the first time he would be in the background. He kept having to remind himself that he wasn't the front man for Bad Luck anymore. Jealousy welled up in him. He remembered the rush he used to get from performing. It was like a drug that he couldn't get enough of, and even six years later his body still cried out for it. More than anything, he craved the euphoria that came when people were listening to HIS voice. It was a giant circle; the crowd fed off the band, and vice versa. Would it be the same? A little voice inside of him whispered "no." Nothing had been the same since he woke up in the hospital after his surgery.

Feeling numb, Shuichi went into the bedroom and pulled a box from under the bed. Hiro didn't even know about this. It was his little secret. He rifled through the contents until he found a CD. They had made it when they were first trying to get big. At that point, they had enough local support that they seriously started to put themselves on the market. Part of that was recording a demo disk. He put it in the player and turned it on loud. Closing his eyes, he let the sound take over. The sound of his voice. He mouthed the words as it played completely lost in the memory of what it had been like to sing.

The whisper that dissolves into the bustling crowd

makes the memories scattered underfoot blur together.

The blazing of the street where I walk about lost (glaring one way)

illuminates me as coldly as though it freezes.

The cold times make dreams fall like rain and slip through my hands.

When I woke up from the countless wishes, you are reflected in a shimmering

illusion --

the silhouette whose faint smile leads me along.

Even if the gentleness that tells about only what makes anxiety flow

had fulfilled eternity, I still don't want tomorrow.

The words that I have to give to you are (it's talk to myself)

falling into an everyday routine, even without shadows.

With a trembling finger, I gather up the dreams; without even breathing

on them, they're crumbling.

Even the certain things are too unreliable; if I believe in something, can

I be with you again?

It's whitely vanishing, the silhouette of that day.

Looking up at that palely-dyed season (Life Winter Dream)

I, who stopped to stand still, am swept away.

The wind blows it out, makes it be left behind; even the yearning is growing

numb from the cold in my heart.

The cold times drift about in dreams, but are caught and held in your hands.

When I woke up from the countless wishes, you are reflected in a shimmering

illusion --

the silhouette whose faint smile leads me along.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as it all rushed back to him. How could God be so cruel? He had never really wanted anything but to sing. Part of him hated Ryuichi for being able to do the one thing that he would do anything for. He wasn't sure if he was strong enough to do this anymore. There had been a time when he had thought that he was ready to take another shot at being a star, but what did it matter if he couldn't really get what he wanted?

"Shuichi! Where are you?"

Shuichi hurried to wipe away his tears just as the brown haired boy came into the room. His signature pink bunny was hanging out of his backpack.

Hiro

Hiro ran a hand through his long red hair. He hadn't expected it to be this easy to find something. A friend of his had told him to go see a club owner that he knew, and as luck would have it, the guy was looking for a fill in band for this Saturday. It was sudden, but he knew they could do it. Besides, it was a small venue and it would get Shuichi back into the swing of things.

Despite what Shuichi might think, Hiro did know how hard this was for him. Even the thought of not being able to play guitar again made him tense up. He knew what it was to live a dream, and that was why he couldn't let Shuichi give up. Not again. Not now, after he had shown the first signs of real life since it happened. Sure he'd acted like he was back to "normal," but normal Shuichi was a musician through and through. When he'd started writing songs again, Hiro had promised himself that he would help Shuichi through it. And he wasn't against giving his friend a kick in the ass to get him moving. This was the first step on a long road. He had to admit, when Shuichi ran out of the café, he'd lost a little of his faith in his friend. Now, he still wasn't sure why he left, but he knew that Shuichi still wanted this. He hadn't been lying when he told him that it was time to make their move.

Putting on his helmet, he got on his motorcycle. Rush hour traffic was heavier than usual and he knew he was going to be late.

Ryuichi

He watched Shuichi from the corner of his eye as he played with Kumagoro. It didn't take a genius to know that Shu had been crying. The boy's eyes were still red and puffy from it. On the way up, he had heard music coming from his apartment. It wasn't anything he recognized, but it was amazing. Putting two and two together, the logical explanation was that he had been listening to the old Bad Luck songs. Ryuichi would admit to being crazy, not stupid.

He smiled widely, and pulled crayons from his bag. Stealing Shuichi's pad, he began to draw bright happy pictures. He waited for Shuichi to join in. At first, the pink haired boy just looked at him, but then he gave what could best be described as a silent laugh, and picked up a blue crayon. For the moment, they were both lost in childish fantasy, and it was enough. Ryuichi wondered if this was the way things could be between them forever. Part of him hoped it could be. He'd finally found someone who understood his brand of escapism.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry that this took me so long. I've been sick with mono, and just kind of laying on my couch for the past two weeks. I owe you guys some really quick updates, so I am going to give it my best.

Chapter 5

Hiro Hiro Hiro Hiro Hiro

Hiro never would have expected to find his band mates sprawled out on the floor with crayons. The even more surprising thing was that Shuichi seemed happier than he had been in nearly a month. Laughing, Hiro crouched down and peeked at one of Shuichi's drawings. "Who's this supposed to be?" he asked staring at a blond haired stick figure.

"**Yuki,"** Shuichi spelled with a big smile.

Hiro sighed heavily. Maybe he should watch how much time the pink haired boy spent with Ryuichi. First the nutty singer talks to a stuffed bunny, and now Shuichi had an imaginary friend. Hiro knew that Yuki had to be made up, because Shuichi simply didn't not tell him things. At the moment, he just wasn't going to ask what was going on in that fuzzy brain of his.

"Well, I got us a gig," Hiro announced setting aside the drawing.

"Ooooooohhhhhh, I get to sing?" Ryuichi bounced.

Despite his smile, Hiro saw the flash of pain in Shuichi's eyes. **"When and where?" **

"Saturday at La Rose," Hiro told him trying to keep his confidence and energy up. They had played La Rose once before. It had been the last time Shuichi had sung before an audience. La Rose had hosted a battle of the bands for the under twenty-one crowd that year. Hiro remembered how perfectly it had gone. Shuichi had been nothing short of amazing that night. Hiro knew what this was going to cost his friend. "Are you ready?" he asked Shuichi with total seriousness.

Shuichi Shuichi Shuichi Shuichi

"Are you ready?"

Shuichi froze. La Rose. He was going to be playing at La Rose again. He took a deep calming breath, and nodded slowly. History was repeating itself. In a way, it was kind of fitting. He was about to start something new at the same place he had ended what had come before.

That night, they only practiced for an hour. Shuichi claimed that he was tired, and for once Hiro didn't question him on it. They said goodbye to Ryuichi before going to their upstairs apartment. After slipping into pajamas with cartoon characters on them, Shuichi stood looking out his window at the city lights for a long time.

"Wanna talk about it?" Hiro asked him from behind.

I do want to talk about it, he thought sadly, and that's the problem. **"Just some memories. I'll be fine."**

"You have a lot of talent, Shuichi, and this is the only way you're ever going to be able to make it. Who knows maybe when you get out there, you'll love it just as much," Hiro said with a deep sigh. From the look on his face, it was obvious that he didn't even believe that himself.

"I wish I could turn back time."

"I know, but you need to move on."

Shuichi faked a smile. **"Let's do it. Let's give them the second best show ever!"**

Yuki Yuki Yuki Yuki

He didn't want to answer the door, but he knew that the small, blonde man wouldn't go away until he did. "What do you want Tohma?" Yuki asked lighting another cigarette.

Tohma simply smiled in that boyish way of his. No one would ever have guessed that he was older than Yuki. "Mika sent me," he explained. "She's worried about you and thinks that an evening out would do you good."

"At least you're honest," Yuki quipped.

Despite his smile, Tohma's eyes were serious. "When have I not been honest with you?"

"Fair enough, but I am still not going."

"Even if I am buying the drinks?"

Yuki gave in and put on his long coat. "I have very expensive tastes."

"And you think I can't afford it?" Tohma joked. He owned on of the biggest record labels in the world, and money was no object to him. "Besides, Mika costs me more in grief."

"I didn't tell you to marry her," Yuki grumbled.

"True," Tohma agreed. "We do serve each other's purposes well enough, and there's no point in lamenting it now."

Yuki was surprised to see Sakano sitting in the back of the limo when he opened the door. Tohma's lover was not at all what anyone would expect. He was very average looking, and had an air about him that could best be called "geeky." "Yuki," the dark haired man greeted with a nod. "I was not sure that you would be joining us."

"I didn't give him a choice," Tohma told him with a laugh. He put his hand on the other man's thigh causing a blush to rise in Sakano's cheeks. "Perhaps he will be able to settle our little disagreement."

Perhaps this was not a good idea. "Disagreement?" Yuki inquired.

Sakano cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up. "Yes, we can't seem to agree on a band. I saw them years ago, and they were the most talented young men I had ever seen….barring you, Tohma," he added nervously. "I was going to get Tohma to sign them, but some sort of tragedy happened, and they simply disappeared. Now, they are back with a new lead singer, and I convinced Tohma to come along."

"So what's the disagreement?"

"Well, I happen to know the lead singer, and he is absolutely worthless," Tohma explained coldly.

Yuki sighed. "What's the band called?"

"Bad Luck."


	6. Chapter 6

TADA! I finally had time to write. Make up works sucks! I am still soooooo far behind in school you can't believe it, but I do owe you guys big. I am already working on chapter 7, and I promise to have it out by the end of the week. And what is that in the air? SNIFF SNIFF hmmm maybe not lemon exactly, but I do detect a citrusy smell.

Chapter 6

ShuichiShuichiShuichiShuichiShuichi

Shuichi had thrown up several times that day. His nerves were getting the better of him and there wasn't much he could do about it. Hiro had been in and out of the apartment all day. They packed the van up with their equipment in the afternoon, and that left Shuichi on his own for the biggest part of the day.

He carefully fingered the plain navy shirt he'd picked up for the concert. It looked alright on him, but he couldn't help thinking about his black top and yellow overcoat he used to wear when they did shows. Everything had changed. The rather plain shirt he'd picked this time was just one more way he was preparing himself to fade into the background.

"SHUICHI! Kumagoro attack!" Shuichi smiled and picked the pink bunny off of the floor. Ryuichi was already dressed in a ruffled, white shirt and skintight purple pants. "How come you're not ready yet?"

The pink haired boy shrugged, and pointed to the outfit he had laid out on the bed.

Ryuichi picked it up, and wrinkled his nose. "You can't wear this!"

Shuichi rolled his eyes, and pointed to the closet.

Within seconds, a shower of shirts, pants, and hats came flying from the closet. All the while, the eccentric singer was babbling to himself. It took him several minutes of digging, but he came out with a transparent, black shirt that laced up the sleeves and a pair of red leather pants with a metallic blue belt. Shuichi stared at the outfit for a long time. He'd worn that exact combination a few times when he went to the clubs, but it wasn't an outfit that would make him less noticeable.

Ryuichi pushed him to the bathroom door. "Hurry and change! I can't wait to see you in it! Oooohhhh we should go shopping together." He leaned in and whispered into Shuichi's ear. "I know you won't tell him, but Kumagoro has really bad taste in clothes."

The idea of talking to a stuffed animal made Shuichi laugh. He made a motion as though he was locking his lips….even though it wouldn't do much good…and took the clothes to the bathroom.

RyuichiRyuichiRyuichiRyuichiRyuichiRyuichi

Ryuichi knew this had to be hard for Shuichi. Even the thought of being unable to sing or speak made him cringe. He couldn't imagine opening his mouth and not being able to make a single sound. Hiro had mentioned that their performance at La Rose six years ago had been the last time Shuichi had sung for an audience. This had to be a nightmare, and it stung to know that he was a big part of it. Ryuichi hadn't thought coming into this band could be a bad thing, but in a way it was for Shuichi. Ryuichi was now taking the role that Shuichi had lost. He could feel the boy's eyes on him when they practiced. A few times he had even caught a glimpse of him mouthing the words as Ryuichi sang. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Shuichi envied him. It was amazing that Shucichi didn't seem to resent him. He was always smiling, and so friendly in his way. If I could give you my voice, Ryuichi thought as he stared at the door, I would.

The door opened, and Ryuichi nearly lost it. Shuichi looked gorgeous. His smile was radiant as he took a mock pose before at the end of the bed. Laughing, Ryuichi picked up Kumagoro and mimed taking pictures. "The camera loves you! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! You're beautiful!"

A rosy blush crept to Shuichi's cheeks. He picked up a brown cowboy hat off of the floor and placed it on Ryuichi's head. Shuichi let out a breathy laugh. Ryuichi was beginning to fall in love with that silent laughter. It was so strange, but so enticing. The pink haired young man held out his hand formally, and the two walked arm in arm out to the van.

La Rose was bursting at the seams that night. As they set up their equipment, Ryuichi stared out at the mass of college students. Most of them had pushed their way out on to the dance floor, but there were a few secluded booths that were set slightly above the floor level. Bad Luck's first gig was going to be a night to remember, Ryuichi could feel it. He spared a glance over to Shuichi who was setting up the keyboards. For all the excitement, Shuichi seemed to be doing fairly well, buts the minutes wound down, so did Shuichi's composure.

The trio left the stage and waited to be announced.

ShuichiShuichiShuichiShuichi

His throat felt tight. It was too late! There was no way to get out of this now, but he wanted to run. Why had he let Hiro talk him into this? Shuichi stood in the wings looking frantically around the room. Panic had set in. Please, just let this be over, he begged silently.

Something soft touched his cheek, and he was suddenly face to face with a bunny. "Kumagoro kisses!" Ryuichi babbled. "He's good luck."

Shuichi rewarded his efforts with a smile, but he was still shaking.

"For the first time in six years….." the owner announced dramatically, "La Rose is proud to present BAD LUCK!"

They rushed on stage and into position as the crowd cheered. The first song in their set was entitled "Rage Beat." Ryuichi introduced it, and glanced to Hiro and finally to Shuichi. Please, don't make me do this! The world spun out of control.

But then it stopped. Shuichi was staring at the most beautiful amber eyes. Yuki's face the only thing he could see. It was if the blonde was telling him that he had better do this right.

With a new rush of energy, Shuichi gave Ryuichi a thumbs up.

YukiYukiYukiYukiYukiYuki

Yuki grimaced at the patrons of La Rose. He never went to college dives like this. There wasn't a single thing about them that he cared for; not the music, not the people, not the poorly mixed drinks. If it hadn't been for the fact that he respected Tohma, he would never have come.

The irony of the evening was not lost on Yuki. He had spent the past weeks trying to purge the image of the pink haired nightmare out of his mind, and here he was sitting in a club he hated waiting to watch the boy perform. When Sakano had told him about something "tragic" happening with Bad Luck, he knew instantly what had happened. He could have told them about it, but he decided not to bother. After all, why should he?

The owner of the club stepped up to the mic and did one of those all too obnoxious intros, before the band came on stage. Instantly, he knew something was wrong with the little moron. His eyes were wide with fear.

Though he didn't know why, Yuki stood up and walked to the center of the room. His gaze locked with the boys. If this is your dream, Yuki thought, don't you dare chicken out! It seemed that Shuichi heard this, and the boy straightened up.

TohmaTohmaTohmaTohma

It was the one and only time in Tohma's entire career that he had ever truly been entranced by a band like this. The three on stage were magic. The guitar player bounced around the stage getting the audience into it. What really was so intriguing about them though was the pink haired boy at the keyboards. He was so charismatic that he seemed to command his own part of the show, which was something keyboard players rarely did if at all. And then there was Ryuichi. Ryuichi sang so perfectly! Maybe even better than he had ten years ago. He floated over the stage. Energy coursed through La Rose like a wave.

Tohma was so captured that he almost forgot. He could almost forgive Ryuichi for what he had stolen from him. Almost. Tohma the feeling human being wanted to crush them all, and take away the dreams that he had lost himself ten years ago. He hated the other two simply because of their proximity to Ryuichi.

Luckily for Bad Luck, Tohma was also a well schooled, unfeeling entrepreneur. "Well, Sakano, you win, but I am having nothing to do with them. You will handle them, not me."

Sakano smiled. "I am honored that you have faith in me."

"I do….maybe more than I should. After all, you did get me to sign those assholes in ASK. Can I give you some advice though?" Tohma asked staring at the man he so bitterly hated.

"You know I listen to everything you tell me."

Tohma turned back to Sakano, and smiled seductively. Though he had a "wife," he loved Sakano with all of his heart. The bespectacled man may claim to be under Tohma's tumb, but Tohma would argue that point. He sighed. "If I were you, I would call K."

A guilty look flashed over Sakano's face, and he pulled at his collar. "I hope you don't mind….I already did. I knew we would need someone to put a leash on Ryuichi."

Tohma didn't like to acknowledge that he'd been wrong, but he nodded anyway. Things were going to get very interesting, very quickly.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Ryuichi

flashback 10 years ago 

Ryuichi stood beside Ami's grave clutching the bunny doll for dear life. A sick feeling had settled into his chest and hadn't left since she'd died nearly a week ago. He hadn't been able to bring himself to attend the funeral. It was his fault, and everyone knew it. The gun in his pocket felt heavy, but it wasn't time yet. Methodically arranging the flowers he had brought for her, he began to sing her favorite song, and fell into a trance of sorts.

"Ryuichi?" A voice called from behind. He knew that voice, and he didn't intend to answer. Tohma wasn't dissuaded. The blonde sat down uninvited. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Plucking a lone weed from the grass, Ryu just shrugged. "Kumagoro and I have been very busy."

Tohma flinched at the mention of the doll. They'd all tried to get him to let Kumagoro go, but he just couldn't. No one understood, and he doubted anyone ever would. Ami was dead. Poor Kumagoro missed her. Ryuichi just couldn't leave him alone, and he was tired of explaining that to them all. Neither man spoke for what seemed like forever.

"Are you ever coming back to me?" Tohma asked finally. His voice cracked uncharacteristically. Very few people had ever seen the blonde as fragile as he was right now. Ryuichi knew how much Tohma loved him, and Ryuichi returned that love as much as he could, but things were different now.

"I don't know." It was the most adult thing Ryuichi had said since the accident, and it was a goodbye of sorts.

"And what about the band?" Tohma was hurt, and he fell back on the one shield he had. "Don't you see what this will do? I can write all of the songs I want, and play better than anyone out there, but you are the one they want! Don't you understand what you are doing to us? To me?"

"I don't want to sing anymore, Tohma. The songs have gone away." That much was true. Ryuichi had always felt the music like another part of himself. It would flow through him, and bring him to life, but now it was over.

Tohma nodded. "Goodbye, Ryu. I'm really going to miss you."

end flashback 

There was no mistaking the petite man in black that Ryuichi had spotted. He'd know Tohma almost all of his life. The pair had started Nittle Grasper together when they were just fifteen. In his way, Ryuichi had loved Tohma forever. Things just fell apart after Ami died. Since then, in his more lucid times, Ryuichi had followed Tohma's career. He was now one of the most famous record executives in the business. He had built NG from the ground up into a force to be reckoned with. Ryuichi was proud of him. He wondered why Tohma was at a dive like this, though. This definitely wasn't Tohma's scene, and then he spotted the dark haired man beside him. Sakano.

Shuichi

Blood was pumping furiously through Shuichi's veins. The rush was intoxicating. So many memories of being on stage all came flooding back to him at once, and for once it wasn't bitter at all. Leaping off of the stage, he launched himself into the crowed, and hurled himself at Yuki. Admiration was written all of his face.

Yuki laughed dryly. "You aren't as horrible as I thought you'd be. The songs are better out loud than on paper, but that's not saying much."

Shuichi beamed at him.

Yuki was about to say something more, when a wiry dark haired man stepped between them. "Mr. Shindo, I'm Sakano with NG." he said offering his hand. "I have to say that you were amazing up there….a little rough, but still wonderful. I've been eagerly awaiting your return to the music scene. You boys were good then, but you are incredible now. But I have to ask why you would bring Mr. Sakuma in when you are undoubtedly just as talented as he is?"

A stab of pain hit him like a knife, and with out his pad Shuichi was almost helpless to explain. He pointed to the scars on his neck hoping Sakano would understand, but Yuki cut in. "He's mute. He lost his voice to cancer."

Sakano's cheeks turned scarlet. "Oh, I am terribly sorry for your loss."

Shuichi shrugged as if to say, "I've learned to live with it."

"Well, that explains Ryuichi's appearance. Speaking of, where is the rest of the band?"

They found Hiro and Ryuichi in the back room. Hiro was putting his gituar in the case as Ryu played with his beloved bunny doll. The brunette shot up when he saw Sakano. "HEY! I've missed you!"

Sakano squirmed to get out of the younger man's embrace. "It's good to see you again, Mr. Sakuma."

"Um, not to be rude but who are you?" Hiro asked regarding Yuki and Sakano warily.

"This is my friend Sakano, and he is going to help us make a really cool record."

"Is this a joke?" Hiro asked skeptically.

Sakano shook his head. "This is no joke. I think you boys have real talent.

Now Shuichi's eyes were wide. He assumed that Sakano was a friend of Yuki's. He never really thought about the possibility of Sakano signing them. NG was a major label. The thought of working under a such a prestigious label was more than he could bear. His hands began flying in a fluid stream of words that not even Hiro could understand. With all eyes on him, Shuichi just smiled. **"This is so cool!"**

Hiro rolled his eyes. "What's the catch?"

"None really. Tonight was an audition of sorts. Mr. Seguchi….."

Shuichi motioned for him to stop. **"Tohma Seguichi," **he spelled out. **"THE TOHMA SEGUCHI?"**

Hiro translated, and Sakano nodded. "Mr. Seguchi has given me permission to start working with you boys….that is if you accept."

Shuichi was practically dancing. **"YES. YES. YES."**

"Mr. Seguchi will not have much to do with this band I'm afraid….for personal reasons." Clearing his throat, Sakano cast a glance toward Ryuichi. The singer in question was currently arguing furiously with Kumagoro about what flavor ice cream tasted better with blueberry topping. "I'm sure you've heard all about Nittle Grasper."

"Nittle Grasper?" Hiro asked.

Sakano sighed, and offered a business card. "Why don't you all talk about it, and come by NG's offices on Monday?"

Yuki

Yuki's head was aching from the club's shitty speakers and from the odd turn of events that had happened that night. All he wanted was to hail a cab, and go home, but a pink haired figure was never far behind him. The grin on his face hadn't budged since he'd gotten Sakano's card. Giving in, he let the boy follow him home.

Hanging his jacket up, Yuki sighed. "Exactly why did you feel the need to come here?"

Shuichi scribbled a note. _ To celebrate._

A wry smile came to Yuki's lips. "How do you want to celebrate?"

The boy just shrugged, but Yuki had ideas of his own. He was going to do what he'd been thinking about all week. Catching Shuichi off guard, Yuki pressed his mouth onto Shuichi's. This time there was no hesitation. Yuki became bolder. His hand dropped to Shuichi's belt, and began working at the buckle. The boy's breathing quickened, and was all the invitation he needed. His long fingers found their way into Shuichi's pants, and he began caressing Shuichi's cock..

Yuki watched as Shuichi's mouth formed silent moans, and nearly lost it. "Is this what you want?"

Shuichi nodded.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: A Little Less Talk

Shuichi rolled over with the sappiest grin in world history spread across his face as he watched Yuki sleeping. He hadn't been a virgin. There had been a deaf boy he'd met not long after he lost his voice, and he'd found some comfort with him. Yuki was different. Yuki was amazing in every single way. Shuichi even liked the way the blonde snored. And last night…last night had been everything Shuichi had dreamed it would be and more. Yuki had been so gentle. Even now Shuichi shivered as he remembered how Yuki had kissed his neck just along the scars.

The blonde cracked a golden eye, and groaned. "I thought you'd have gone home by now."

Shuichi just shook his head, and snuggled tighter underneath the covers. He loved being here.

Yuki let out a snort. "Why do you keep coming back? It's not like you actually care about me."

Unconscouisly, Shuichi opened his mouth to contradict that statement. It had been years since he'd done something like that, but it didn't make it hurt any less. More than anything else, Shuichi just wanted to let Yuki know that he really did care about him. That he was there because he wanted to be with him. He felt like such a failure. Shuichi bit his lip, and tightened his grip a little.

"Maybe you do care, but that still doesn't explain why. Someday you are going to have to explain what goes on in that head of yours…not that I'm expecting much," Yuki added. His voice had lost most of its bite though. "Teach me some of those ridiculous looking motions you do."

Shuichi's first thought was how anyone could dare call sign lanuage…HIS LANGUAGE…ridiculous, but then it hit him. Yuki wanted to learn to sign. Yuki actually wanted to know how to communicate with him. A brilliant smile flashed over his face, and he wrapped his arms around Yuki tighter than ever.

"Calm down. I'm just getting sick of holding one sided conversations."

Yuki's comment did nothing to dampen Shuichi's enthusiasm. The pink haired boy sat up straight in bed, and gestured for Yuki to watch him. He started out slowly going through the alphabet hoping Yuki would catch on to what it was. The second time around Yuki began mirroring the signs back saying each letter as he made the sign. Shuichi sped up a bit, and began spelling out random words. Yuki only recognized about a third of them, but it was just so wonderful that Yuki was willing to try. It meant that maybe there was hope after all.

HiroHiroHiroHiroHIro

Hiro was frantic. He hadn't seen Shuichi since the concert, and his friend hadn't returned any of the text messages he'd sent. Hiro had a feeling that Shuichi had left with the blonde, but he didn't know for sure. And just who was that guy anyway? Suddenly an image of a stick figure drawn in crayon came to mind--YUKI! He put a hand over his eyes. Damn, he had really thought that Shu was going crazy. Why wouldn't Shuichi tell him?

Back before Shuichi was out, Hiro had already known that he was gay. How could he not know? They'd been friends since grade school. Shuichi had always been a little bit feminine. Hiro had spent most of his high school years keeping the bullies away from his friend. There was just no way that he wouldn't see it. He didn't care about Shuichi's sexuality, and Shu had never been secretive about his other crushes…not that Shuichi could ever keep a secret about anything. Why wouldn't he tell Hiro about Yuki? The more he thought about it, the more angry he became.

YukiYukiYukiYukiYukiYukiYukiYuki

His hands didn't seem to make the connections that his mind did, and it annoyed him. Yuki had been at this whole signing thing for the better part of the morning, and he still had just barely learned the alphabet to the point where he could spell his name. Sign shouldn't be this hard. After all, how much could there be to it? It all just look like simply fluttering your hands around while making faces. Yuki sighed irritably. Obviously, there was more to it than he had thought.

"Come here," he commanded interrupting Shuichi's signing lesson.

Shuichi did as he was told, and trotted over to where Yuki was seated on the couch with a sappy grin. He plopped himself down beside Yuki, and cuddled in.

"Where you this odd when you could talk?" Yuki asked rudely.

The boy shrugged. He went right on making a nest on the couch, laying his head in Yuki's lap. Something about Shuichi's wide eyed innocence got to him in a way no one else had ever. Maybe that's what scared him.

RyuichiRyuichiRyuichiRyuichi

"I'm sorry, Kumagoro, but you can't go with me this time," Ryuichi murmured to the rabbit sitting on the couch. "You know Thoma doesn't like you…yes, yes, you don't like him either, but I have to talk to Thoma. How are things supposed to get better if we don't talk? I'll be back soon. You know I wouldn't leave you alone for long."

Ryuichi pulled on a thin jacket, and left his appartment quickly. It was the first time in years that he'd attempted to leave Kumagoro behind, but he just had to do it. He had to talk to Thoma. For the sake of the band, he had to have Thoma's approval. Without NG's full backing, Bad Luck would be an opening act for their whole lives. That wasn't right. It wasn't fair to Shuichi or to Hiro.

NG's Manhattan offices were amazingly posh. Just the lounge was more elegant than just about anywhere he'd ever been. The girl at the desk looked annoyed when he approached her. "Name?"

"Ryuichi Sakuma. I'm here to see Mr. Seguchi."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No," Ryu admitted. "But we are old friends."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Right."

Ryu didn't like the girl, but he tried to stay nice. "Please, just page him and tell him I'm here. He'll want to see me. I just know it."

"Mr. Seguchi doesn't like to be bothered," she snapped. "Coma back when you have an appointment."

"Please, just page him…"

"I'm going to page security if you don't leave!"

"Miss, you had better not do that." A voice cut in from behind. A tall blonde man, with long hair and sunglasses stood behind him.

"K!" Ryu cried.

"Good to see you, Ryuichi." K said with a smile. "Now, miss, I suggest you put us through…IMMEDIATELY. It isn't good to keep me waiting, and I DO have an appointment."

"Y..Yes, sir."

In the elevator, Ryuichi leaned against the wall. "So they called you in to keep me from slitting my wrists?" he said darkly. His voice didn't resemble the man most people knew.

K nodded. "I see you got rid of the bunny."

"Kumagoro didn't want to come with me. He doesn't like Thoma," Ryu said hugging himself. He wished Kumagoro was here now. "I'll be good. You don't have to stay with us."

K snorted. "How long have you been off your meds?"

"I mean it: I'll be really good."

"Ryu, you need to get back on your medications and back in therapy. It's time to get your life back. It's been a decade since Ami died, and you are an adult for God's sake."

"So good, you won't believe it, and I'll get Kumagoro to be good too."

The elevator stopped. "Are you coming?" K asked holding the door open.

Ryuichi felt frozen, but he managed to step forward. For his bandmates, he had to do this.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Journey to the Past

10 years ago

ThomaThomaThoma

Thoma stood by the doorway staring at the half-dead young man in the hospital bed. "What have you done to yourself, Ryu?" he muttered softly. In reality, there was no questioning just what Ryuichi had done. The empty Vicoden bottle and the drained fifth of Jose Quervo didn't leave any doubts. Thoma just couldn't believe that it had come to this.

"They tell me he should be awake any time now," a voice said from behind. K was holding out a cup of coffee for his friend/employer.

Taking the coffee, Thoma nodded. "All the more reason I should go."

"He still loves you."

"No," Thoma said flatly. "Ryu doesn't give a damn about me or you, or anyone in the living. I wish you'd stop telling me that."

"Fine," K agreed. "Do you want me to stay with him then?"

"Your our manager. Do what you think is best. It doesn't matter," Thoma lied. "I have a meeting with Atlantic records. I might just be able to salvage something out of this whole mess. If he wants all the rights to Grasper, their his."

end flashback

It was like a bad memory. The pair standing before his desk made Thoma want to scream. He had made his wishes known to Sakano--he really didn't want anything to do with any of them. But here they were. Thoma focused on a paper before him. "I don't have time for either of you today."

"I'll be good!" Ryuichi blurted out.

Blinking in surprise, Thoma let the page fall. Ryu looked pale. His large violet eyes looked haunted. It was impossible to deny the worry building inside of him. "What's going on here, K?" Thoma demanded.

The blonde man shrugged. "We were discussing how Ryu here will be taking his medication if he wants to help his band mates. Nothing too serious."

Thoma sighed and rolled his eyes. "Did you agree to this?" he asked Ryuichi.

"I don't want to take them. They make me feel all numb. They make Kumagoro be quiet. I have to keep him company. I have to..." the brunette mumbled incoherently.

"And what about Bad Luck?" K prompted. He put a hand out when Thoma moved to protest, and the executive was left to watch. "What about Shuichi and Hiro? Shouldn't you help them?"

Ryuichi looked conflicted. "Both. I can do both. Kumagoro likes Shuichi. I like Shuichi. He draws with me."

It took all of Thoma's will power not to scream at his former lover. How could Ryu be so detached? How was it that he couldn't see the effect he had on people? The childishness in Ryu's voice made Thoma sick. This was stupidity. He never should have agreed to this.

K broke Thoma's train of thought. "You came here to say something to Thoma, didn't you? Say what you have to say, Ryuichi. Help Shuichi."

Ryu closed his eyes, and his lips trembled. Finally, he looked Thoma dead in the eye. "You can't sink this band."

Thoma was complete thrown off guard. "What?"

"You can't sink us. We're too good for that, and you know it. Don't let what happened between us ruin this. I...I...Shuichi doesn't deserve it. He's every bit as talented as you or I ever were, and maybe even better," Ryuichi said clearly. That voice was the voice of Ryuichi Sakuma, the grown man, the intelligent musician. "You've got bands with less talent on the charts right now floundering at 30 and 40. You don't have a new hit maker in your stable. ASK will never do any better than what they've got right now. You know we could out sell them ten to one. Don't let this slip away."

"Why shouldn't I?" Thoma asked swallowing hard. "You have a nasty talent of running and hiding. How do I know you won't sink yourself and take them with you?"

Ryu nodded. "You're right. I'll take your fucking pills and talk to who ever K wants, but don't think for a second that I'm doing it for you."

Coldness built up in Thoma's gut. "Who are you doing it for?"

Ryu the man disappeared. "I like Shuichi...so does Kumagoro. We want to stay with him."

Thoma looked away. "I'm sure you do."

"I'm going home to Kumagoro. I promised we'd get ice cream if he was good while I was gone." With that, the brunette left Thoma's office.

K cleared his throat. "I'd still call that an improvement. I knew he was starting to come around when I saw him here."

"This band's good for him," Thoma admitted sadly. "I'll promote the band, but you have to keep him on the level. We can't have him hurting himself again. The singer that he loves so much is fucking another man."

K raise a golden brow. "How do you know that?"

"Yuki Eiri just happens to be my brother in law. Be careful with this, K."

ShuichiShuichiShuichi

Shuichi sighed as he read over the text messages Hiro had sent him. Maybe he should have told HIro where he was going. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell his best friend about Yuki; he just wasn't sure what to say. What was Yuki to him really? His boyfriend? He hoped, but he really wasn't sure.

Yuki was seated at his desk across the room typing. He looked soooo sexy with his glasses on, and so smart. Just looking at Yuki made Shuichi happy. Even Yuki's moodiness didn't dim Shuichi's enthusiasm. Did he see that? Shuichi wished he could just tell him--say the words--how much he cared. Yuki didn't know the sign, and writing it just seemed wrong. You should be able to tell the person you cared for. Yuki meant so much to Shuichi that he just couldn't seem to figure out how to say it.

Shuichi tapped on Yuki's shoulder.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone for a while?" Yuki growled.

Shuichi held up his note pad. _I have to go. My roommate is worried about me._

"The redhead?"

Shuichi nodded. **Hiro. **

Yuki frowned. "Giro?'

_Close. Hiro. He's been texting me, and I haven't returned any of them._

"Fine. Go home," Yuki said roughly. He turned back to the computer screen, but Shuichi wasn't so easily ignored. He pulled the blonde into a kiss. Yuki laughed huskily. "You really are a demanding little brat."

Shuichi smiled and waved goodbye.

HiroHiroHiro

Hiro played on of his favorite songs on his guitar as he sulked. Even after all of Shuichi's explanations, he was still pissed. How could he not be? They had just had a huge break, and Shu had to kill the mood by disappearing without a word. Shuichi knocked on the doorframe to get Hiro's attention, but Hiro ignored him. It was a rotten thing to do, but Hiro was still too angry to accept Shuichi's apology. The knocking got louder, and Hiro gave in.

"Can't you take a hint?" he asked sullenly.

**I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to worry you.**

"You said that already."

Shuichi nodded. ** I mean it. **

"Don't ever do that again. I mean it," Hiro warned.

**I promise, **Shuichi signed.

"So?" Hiro prompted. Shuichi looked confused. "Tell me about him. This Yuki guy had better be worth it."

Shuichi's grin was huge. **He is.**


End file.
